I Thought I Was Fine—Until I Started Feeling Again

At the core of my healing, somatic therapy—specifically breathwork that activates the sympathetic nervous system—has allowed me to re-enter my body. And with that, real physical transformation has followed.

For a long time, I believed childhood trauma meant your childhood was stolen—something painful, but contained in the past. I didn’t realize how deeply that trauma could erupt into adulthood, impacting every area of life. I think I assumed that when we hit our 20s, a switch flips and we simply become “adults.” But whether I was 11, in the depths of childhood pain, or 25, navigating adult responsibilities, my trauma came with me. It was always mine to carry—and eventually, to heal.

When I began my somatic healing journey in 2025, I became very familiar with the word dissociation. One definition describes it as a mental defense mechanism where a child disconnects from overwhelming emotions, memories, or physical sensations to cope—essentially a “psychic escape” when physical escape isn’t possible.

That disconnection can follow you into adulthood.

I carried that weight for so long that I didn’t even recognize the ways it was affecting me—until things began to improve. The truth is, when traumatized children grow into adults, we don’t know what we don’t know.

Here’s what has unfolded so far on my journey…

My mental health has completely transformed. During my teenage years and early 20s—including pregnancy—I relied heavily on anti-anxiety, antidepressant, and antipsychotic medications. Depression made daily life feel heavy; even getting out of bed was a struggle. I became skilled at masking—fake smiles, forced laughter, offering love and compassion while internally feeling disconnected. Life felt…forced.

My anxiety was just as intense. I experienced hives, nausea, trembling, and a constant sense of impending panic. I couldn’t control my body’s responses, so medication felt like the only way to function as an adult with real responsibilities.

My first shift came when I moved in with my boyfriend—someone who had a completely different up bringing, full of calm and stability. One day he asked, “Why do you need all those pills? That can’t be good for you.” He didn’t fully understand my experience, but he planted a seed.

I began to question what the medication was actually doing for me. I realized it kept me in a box. I wasn’t overwhelmed by anxiety or sadness—but I also wasn’t experiencing joy, connection, or love. I felt neutral. Flat. Like I was watching my life instead of living it.

As a God-fearing woman, I started praying for something different—for the strength to live without dependency and step into who I truly was. By the grace of God, I came off all prescriptions. For the first time, I began discovering who I was without anything muting my mind.

That is when the next challenge surfaced: my reliance on alcohol.

Fast forward to a pivotal moment in my life—my 20th anniversary at the company I worked for. I was offered a five-week sabbatical, and I chose to do something bold: spend 21 days in Costa Rica completing my 200-hour yoga teacher training.

It was not really about the certification—it was about the experience.

During that time, I began reconnecting with my body. I became more aware of my consciousness, my subconscious patterns, and the power of prana—our life-sustaining breath. I realized that everything we need to heal already exists within us.

Then came my first Conscious Connected Breathwork (CCB) session. That experience changed everything. It marked the true beginning of my spiritual awakening.

One of the biggest shifts—one that created a ripple effect—was releasing my dependence on alcohol.

Drinking had always felt normal. Social. Expected. I believed people only stopped drinking if something “serious” happened—addiction, health issues, or rock bottom. Surely no one just chose to stop.

During my yoga teacher training, we were asked to abstain from alcohol for 21 days. Coming off a vacation where I had been drinking daily, I didn’t think much of the challenge. But after my breathwork experience—where I connected with my inner child and found forgiveness—something shifted.

With distance from alcohol and newfound mental clarity, I felt called to extend the break. Just a few months, I told myself. A container to observe what might change.

Around that same time, I learned more about the health impacts of alcohol—including its link to multiple types of cancer. I had no idea. I realized I had been using alcohol since I was 12 years old as a way to numb the pain of my childhood.

Even though I did not identify as an alcoholic, I started to see the dependency: drinking to relax, to socialize, to take the edge off. It was normalized—but it was still reliance.

Today, I am nine months sober.

The physical changes in my body have been undeniable.

First, my gut health improved dramatically. I used to experience constant digestive issues—either diarrhea after drinking or ongoing constipation. I learned that alcohol damages the gut by causing inflammation and disrupting healthy bacteria. Within a few months of sobriety, my digestion regulated, bloating decreased, and overall inflammation subsided.

Second, my sleep transformed. I had taken melatonin nightly for years. What I didn’t realize is that alcohol may help you fall asleep faster, but it disrupts deep, restorative sleep—especially REM. Once I removed alcohol, my sleep became natural, consistent, and deeply restorative. I wake up feeling energized instead of exhausted.

Third, my mental clarity improved. After months without alcohol, I noticed I could read faster, comprehend more clearly, and communicate more effectively. My thoughts felt sharper. More connected.

I also came to understand that long-term alcohol use is closely linked to anxiety and depression. In my case, it was pouring fuel on an already burning fire. I was stuck in a cycle that kept reinforcing my mental health struggles.

Even without labeling it as addiction, the impact was real.

Alcohol affects the central nervous system, disrupting communication pathways, altering brain chemistry, and contributing to long-term damage. For someone already navigating the effects of trauma, it only deepens the imbalance.

Through my CCB practice, I’ve been able to release stored trauma, process suppressed emotions, and even alleviate physical pain in my neck, shoulders, back, and hips. The body holds everything—and when we finally listen, it tells the truth.

Somatic healing—a body-centered approach that focuses on releasing stored emotional energy—has been a powerful tool in my journey. Through breathwork, yoga, and meditation, I’ve been able to let go of both emotional weight and physical dependencies.

If there’s one thing I want to leave you with, it’s this:

Take the risk. Choose your healing.

Maybe—just maybe—create space from alcohol for 21 days. Try a breathwork session. See what shifts.

You might be surprised by what’s waiting for you on the other side.